"Family members should have access to residents [as staff does] as long as they follow the same safety protocols that the staff are following."
June 9, 2020, “Banned From Nursing Homes, Families See Shocking Decline In Their Loved Ones,” NPR.com, Ina Jaffe
“Luann Thibodeau recently celebrated her 40th anniversary with her husband, Jeff. They ate dinner from Olive Garden while she remained on the other side of his nursing room window. The Thibodeaus have not been in the same room since mid-March when visitors were banned from nursing homes [in an attempt] to slow the spread of the coronavirus....
The 40th anniversary...was gazing at each other through the window of Jeff’s nursing home in Texas and eating carryout from the Olive Garden. Just the two of them. And a nursing assistant.
“She fed him, and I ate mine, and that was it,” Luann Thibodeau says. “So that was our 40th wedding anniversary.”
Luann Thibodeau would bring her husband, Jeff, dinner every night, except Tuesdays, when she had Bible study. Since she’s been unable to visit, she says that her husband has become increasingly disinterested in food as his multiple sclerosis has worsened.
The Thibodeaus have not been in the same room since mid-March. That’s when visitors were banned from nursing homes [in an attempt] to slow the spread of the coronavirus. But family members say that talking via FaceTime and holding up signs at windows are no substitute for the hands-on care and emotional support their visits provide.
Family members often are an integral part of the care residents in nursing homes receive. They make sure meals are being eaten, clothes are being changed. They also offer invaluable emotional support.
Without it, the consequences can be dire. NPR spoke to several families about what’s happened since the mid-March visitor ban. All reported seeing shocking declines in their loved ones.
Advocates for residents say it’s time to rethink the outright ban.
Nursing homes can permit visitors for “compassionate situations.” But that’s usually interpreted as meaning end-of-life visits. Robyn Grant, public policy director for the National Consumer Voice for Quality Long-Term Care, says that compassionate care needs to be interpreted more broadly.
Luann Thibodeau...says his anxiety has increased since the lockdown began.
Luann Thibodeau has seen that decline in her husband. She used to bring dinner for him every night except Tuesdays when she goes to Bible Study. She says that as his multiple sclerosis has worsened, he’s become increasingly disinterested in food.
“I bully him into finishing a meal. And I’ll say to him, ‘Jeff, you know, this is what an adult man eats. So you need to eat this.’". A staff member can’t do what she does. Nursing home residents have rights. So if Jeff Thibodeau tells a nursing assistant that he’s done eating after three bites, she has to abide by his wishes. Without his wife’s push, the results of her absence is striking.
“When I see him at the window, I can tell his clothes are way big on him,” Luann Thibodeau says. “And I’m pretty sure he’s lost significant weight.”
And while family members are locked out, residents are locked in. It didn’t used to be like that. Luann Thibodeau would take her husband to church on Sundays and to the movies. They’d go out for fast food. But she says since the lockdown, his anxiety has increased. Sometimes he’s called her 10 times in a day.
“He would say, ‘Why aren’t you here? Why don’t you come in? Nobody will know,’” Luann Thibodeau says. “And he was strategizing how I could sneak in the front door. I could sneak in the back door and come see him. And so that’s been really hard.”
David (left) and Sky Gonzalez have been unable to visit their mother, Eva, in her nursing home since the onset of COVID-19 restrictions. (Tara Pixley for NPR)
It’s also been really hard for Eva Gonzalez, a 98-year-old resident of a Southern California nursing home. She was used to daily visits from her sons Sky and David.
“She probably feels that we’ve abandoned her,“ Sky Gonzalez says.
Eva Gonzalez lived on her own until about 18 months ago. Then she started having falls and symptoms of dementia. She needed 24-hour care. But now that Sky can only reach her on the phone, he can’t see what kind of care she’s getting.
“When I call, she always seems to be dehydrated,” he says.
She tells him she needs water. Nursing home staffers tell him they check on her every hour. “But how do I know what’s going on or not going on?” he asks.
Yet calling his mom directly just seems to make things worse.
“She became more agitated, wondering, well, ‘Where are you? Why aren’t you here? Come get me out of here,’” he says.
He begins to weep. “My calls were just creating more stress for her.
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